Driving home after a usual stressful day at work, my husband and I work for the same company so the ride home is for venting and releasing the negativity from the day. I remember my husband being so upset about what had happened at work that day, and you know what? I couldn't tell you what he was upset about. I was logged into facebook, scrolling mindlessly through posts, articles, & ads. Facebook was more important in that moment than engaging with my husband. I remember he was asking me something or trying to validate his own thoughts. He asked me and I responded with "yeah." "Do you even know what I was talking about?" I didn't have an answer. I wasn't listening. I could tell in my husband's eyes that he was disappointed and upset. Still, to this day I can't even tell you what was so fu**ing important on facebook that I ignored my husband. What was the point? Why did I feel the need to look at facebook? I had nothing to say, nothing to post, nothing to look at. I was mindlessly looking at my facebook.
Like many others, I had been logged into Facebook for 10+ years. Reflecting on those 10 years I was trying to convince myself as to why I should stay logged in for a moment longer. As my finger hovered over the deactivate button I felt this huge weight and anxiety starting to build into my chest. "But I can't just delete it." I kept telling myself over and over again. "I just can't delete it." I stammered to myself over and over again, but I couldn't come up with the explanation as to why I couldn't just delete it. Why was this so hard? Finally, I picked up the phone and pressed deactivate.
Facebook is funny this way. When you hit deactivate they ask you a series of questions as to why you decided to deactivate. Such as Facebook isn't useful to me, too many ads, I don't like facebook, etc. When you click a reason they try to resell facebook to you. Luckily, their tactics didn't work on me and I deactivated it anyway. When the final step went into deactivating it, I prepared myself for the regret I would feel, for the relapse I would want to take. But what happened was an overwhelming sense of peace. With facebook no longer an option for me, it felt as if I didn't have to pretend anymore. I had no one to impress.
I have been without facebook for a close to a week now, and the world to me now is so different. It's almost cartoonish. Even my parents looked different to me. Glued to their phones during a sporting event, when the action was right in front of their faces. The need to post where they were at a who they were with, just to "show off". Shouting "Hey! Look at me! I have a life!" into a technological social media abyss. Jonesing for there next like, and for approval of what they were doing and what they were attending was right.
My first Saturday without Facebook. My husband hit up our favorite breakfast joint. We put our phones in our jacket pockets and talked and responded one and one with each other with no distractions. I noticed in the corner of the restaurant two girls, taking selfies with each other, smiling having fun, showing the world their friendship and how important that Saturday morning Mimosa is. But you have to remember that is all a photo will say. "Hello, world! Best friends together, eating food any enjoying our company." That photo didn't tell you that the second after it was posted, that their smiles faded, they stared into their phones, and didn't say a word to each other the rest of the breakfast. I thought about this whole scenario at the game with my husband. I didn't feel the need to take a picture to show that my husband and I were attending this game, because if you knew my husband and I you knew we were going to attend this game.
I don't have that anymore. It's refreshing to think that now if I want to share something with someone I am able to do it. One on One. Everything became so real and personal without facebook. Everything feels likes it's yours, it's personal, you don't have to share anything to seek approval and fear the rejection.
So I say goodbye to Facebook.
Goodbye to the life I was trying to prove to others I had.
Goodbye to the senseless adding of irrelevant people.
Goodbye to the ads that told me I wasn't good enough.
Goodbye to the constant need for approval.
Goodbye Facebook you have been deactivated.
